My Ass Has Been Itching For Days Now

I don't know what the deal is, but my ass has been itching for days now. There really isn't much more to say...
I'll update later this week (or not).
[spare me your homo butt-disease jokes - my butthole is 100% hetero]

Dump Update

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
It's been awhile since I last gave y'all an update on my scatological misadventures, but that's not because I haven't been taking some insane dumps - it's because I've been taking too many insane dumps to have time to even write about them.
This morning I took an 'iceberg' dump: one of this dumps that is so large that it sticks out above the water a little. I thought about taking a picture of it, but then I remembered that I'm poor and I can't afford a digital camera, so y'all will just have to use your imaginations...
Rating: PG-13

Something's In The Air, But It's Not Love...

Last night while I was entertaining a (non-inflatable) lady-friend with (non-bathroom related) stories about my brief stint as a South American communist dictator, I somehow managed to fart continuously for an hour and a half. I'm not sure if she noticed or not because the farts weren't especially smelly, but I was droppin' some serious friggin' bombs.
I knew that this morning's dump(s) would be hellacious, but I seriously underestimated exactly how hellacious they would be. I let loose a two-foot python in the stall here at work that has the entire staff here talking (in between gasps for breath). I guess we'll have to wait and see if the aforementioned girl noticed that some asshole was talkin' shit behind my back all last night...

A PG Dump

This morning's dumps get a PG rating. The first just consisted of a few small nuggets. The second was a couple of solid logs. The third was a Master Blaster, but nothing to get all PG-13 over, so I'm going with a solid PG rating.
I plan to visit my favorite Baja-Mexican dive this weekend, so prepare yourself for some NC-17 tales...