The Rating System

I've decided that I'm going to start applying the MPAA rating system to my dumps, just to give y'all a better idea of what's going on.
Yesterday, I ate six or seven times, so I expected to be bustin' at the seems this morning. But - for some reason - after two hours and two cups of coffee, I still haven't given tithe to the porcelain goddess.
But this I can promise: when it does come, it'll be PG-13 or worse...

In Honor Of St. Valentine's Day...

...I'll spare y'all the details of this morning's dump.

Shit Me Baby One More Time

Last night I tried four times to dislodge a chunk of dook stuck at the cusp of freedom. The guy just wouldn't budge.
This morning: same story. Until...
I figured a couple cups of coffee and a 7-11 breakfast sandwich would do the trick, and (as always) the culinary engineers at 7-11 headquarters didn't let me down with their sausage/egg/cheese biscuit laxative.
Never fails...

Hello, Guinness Book Of World Records...

How is it possible for someone to crap out logs that are (all hyperboles aside) 1/20th of his/her body-weight? "Impossible", you say...
I thought so too.
But this morning, I took a dump so massive that I wondered if a small(?) chipmunk had somehow made its way into my bowels while I was asleep. I mean - this thing was one mean bastard.
The water-cooler will never be the same...