Pooping My Brains Out

This morning, I swear I almost pooped myself inside-out.
I just couldn't stop crapping.
The whole thing lasted only about 3 minutes, but it was three minutes of non-stop butt-puking.
I'm at least 5 pounds lighter.
...wasn't the texture that I wold have preferred, but I'm just glad to have the filth out of my intestines.

Super Dump(s)!

Six.
That's the number of times that I took a dump yesterday.
You must be thinking:"Well those couldn't have been very impressive." But you're wrong. Dead wrong.
Usually I take a couple of craps in the morning, and I'm done for the day. But yesterday was different (and how...). Six - count 'em, six - awesome, breath-taking dumps.
I slept like a baby last night...

A New Record

My a.m. dump came a little late this morning, but - boy! - was it worth the wait!!!
Seriously - at least two feet long.
I'm still recovering...

BBQ Poo

The key ingredient in the manufacturng process of an ultra-stinky dump is lots and lots of BBQ.
Yesterday, I almost ate my weight in the stuff, and today I've been producing some of the worst-smelling dumps known to man. I've also been leaving a trail of fart molecules where ever I go.
This stuff isn't for the faint of heart...

A Plot Twist I Didn't Expect

Over the weekend (in a public restroom) I was taking a dump and thought everything was pretty much over when I started to reach for a wad of toilet paper. As I reached over, my butt was like: "Not so fast, dude!" and a large chunk of turd shot splashed into The Great Beyond.
Usually, I can see surprise endings coming from a mile away, but never in a million years did I see this one coming. There was just no foreshadowing.
From now on, I'm not going to take for granted that my butt's done puking...

Kerplunk.

That's all I heard as The Rocket Turd exploded out of my butt this morning.
Fast, clean, and massive.
I took a few seconds to admire my work before I flushed the big guy.
Like a thief in the night...