For Old-Time's Sake

[The Doo-Doo Blog is not returning. This is a one-off deal. Enjoy (or have taste: your pick).]
This morning I took a dump that I'll never forget. I was walking toward the bathroom, ready to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, when I realized that the Cosby kids were trying to hop out of the car before we even made it to the pool's parking lot. I had to straight-up sprint to the bathroom (on-lookers: several).
As soon as my honky-ass hit the toilet seat, I let out a fart that (all hyperbole aside) made me gag. The damned thing lasted at least 8 or 9 seconds. The smell was fucking awful.
What followed after that was a series of the kind of noises and squirts that is the stuff of legends in elementary schools. There was a steady stream of liquid feces shooting like a geyser out of my butt. It was brutal.
The weird thing was that i had absolutely no warning. I was expecting a nice, quiet Number 2, and ended up with a cheek-flapping experience that I won't soon forget.

The End Of The Doo-Doo Blog

As much as I enjoy publicly detailing my bowel movements in this blog, I've decided to end it. If I crap out a wolverine or kill someone with a fart I'll probably post something about it here, but - barring any extraordinary dumps - this is the last and final post.
Hope you've enjoyed it and haven't puked too much,
Timmy

So Much Hype...

The visit to Pancho's buffet didn't quite have the results that I anticipated. I've been a bit backed-up lately, and I figured that some Mexican food would be just the thing to un-cork my bowels, but it didn't really have any discernible effect on my toilet habits.
I'm pretty much back to 'regularity', but the Mexican buffet failed to leave its mark (on the back of the toilet bowl).

Pancho's Poo

I'm leaving in a few minutes to go to a local Pancho's Mexican Buffet for lunch. This should be fun.
I'll try and post the sure-to-be-messy results later this weekend.

One Jagged Son Of A Bitch

I crapped out one jagged mother-trucker this morning. The damned thing wasn't really that big, but - judging by the way in felt - it made up for its lack of girth by shredding my bowels like scatological barbed-wire.
I guess I must've made myself a peanut butter and glass shard sandwich last night while sleepwalking...
Damn.

The Return Of The Return Of The Master Blaster

This morning's dump was a classic "Master Blaster". Pushing...pushing...and then - POW! - I pop a hot, smelly dook out. The stench was an 8 1/2 on a scale of 1 to 10. There was a slight burning sensation afterwards, and I think that it had something to do with the hot sauce that I'd put on my taquitos the night before.

Jumpin' Jehosephat!

Earlier today, I was entering the bathroom here at work to take care of some business, when another guy (not recognized) rushed past me on his way out of the crapper. He seemed to be in quite a rush, and I was wondering exactly why he was in such a - OH.MY.GOD.WHAT.IN.THE.HELL.IS.THAT.SMELL?
Suddenly everything became clear. He was trying to escape the stench of his own ass.
And what a stench it was...
I don't know what homeboy had for dinner last night, but it stank like you wouldn't believe on the way out.
I gagged and covered my nose with my shirt (which I've since burned) and quickly left the now-quarantined restroom.
In complete seriousness - I've never sniffed such an awful smell in my entire life. No exaggerations.